Its been a while

First let me apologize for our absence on here.
A lot things have been going on,
but I'll explain later.
Today, I just need to get my thoughts out there.

This weekend, I took a trip.
I've been meaning to take this trip since I moved to Kzoo.
When we moved here, I moved close to the place my grandparents used to live.
And Since I became aware that their old house was less than an hour away, I've dreamed of what it would be like to have them so close.
Although, I'm not really sure what it would be like, since they have both passed away more than 10 years ago, but I cant get it out of my head
So this weekend I drove past their old house, and i wasnt what I remembered.
Not that I remember much. but the grass was over grown, when it was always cut, there was no picnic table to gather around and play cards at night or eat grilled corn in the summer, no squirrel feeder to laugh at the antics of the squirrels, I dont recall seeing a deck for the pontoon to park at and take us out on the lake, or the paddle boat to paddle across the canal and watch the turtles, no ducks wandered onto the grass expecting to be fed, no campfire pit could be seen to gather around and laugh. The house was empty, abandoned, something it never looked like until the closest memories I have. When we cleaned out the house on the weekends, and stayed in the house much too quiet with out grandma snoring on the couch watching TV. Sadly most of the memories I have at that house are not happy memories, but I want them to be. Although the good ones never stand out first.
I remember going there in the summer and riding around with my grandpa on the three wheeler, and later when I was old enough to take it for a spin on my own, I remember watching TV with my cousins or going out on the lake to "fish", but those are all a blur, the most vivid memory I have, that I cant get out of my head is the night my cousin was bit by a dog. I remember that night all too often. I sadly also dont remember much about my grandparents that lived there. I try. I try to remember them there in the house and the good times, but what most of my memories end up being are the ones from the nursing home, and sadly for my Grandma, mostly of her snoring on the couch, since her time in the nursing home was limited. But I try to remember my grandpa before the nursing home, but I cant pull up many memories, but I remember the memories of him not remembering us, of him wearing a bib of how hard it was on my dad to see him like that. How hard it was for all of us and yet, thats all I can remember.
I want to remember more.
I shouldnt have went and tried only to remember the good times. And imagine what it would have been like.